My guest this week is Dr. Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, author of the excellent book for parents, The Tantrum Survival Guide (affiliate link). Rebecca shared some of her top tips for being a more effective parent, which starts with the simple recognition that we all struggle at times in our relationships with our kids. One of the biggest takeaways is about being present with our kids and finding ways to pause when emotions are high so that we can make better choices. (Which sounds a lot like what we try to help our kids with as parents!)

Topics we discussed included:

• The adult version of tantrums
• Turning into our own parents and parenting the way they did
• Dealing with very charged moments as a parent
• Normalizing the challenges that come with parenting
• Finding ways to pause when emotion is high
• The fear that a single decision involving our kids is “make or break”
• Recognizing the lack of control we have over who our kids become
• Kids’ abilities to push their parents’ buttons
• Seeing our interactions with our kids as a dance
• Recognizing our own contribution to our kids’ problematic reactions
• Dealing with the really hurtful things our children say at times (e.g., “I hate you!”)
• Listening for what our kids are actually saying to us
• The challenge of parental expectations that aren’t met
• Rebecca’s recent experience of feeling hurt by something one of her kids did
• The thanklessness of parenthood
• The connection between Rebecca’s work and mindful awareness and acceptance
• Whether it’s ever appropriate to lie to our kids

Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who specializes in early childhood social-emotional development and child and parent mental health. Prior to founding her current psychology and coaching practice, Little House Calls, Rebecca was the Director of Training and Quality for Healthy Steps at Children’s Hospital at Montefiore and an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

After earning her Bachelor of Arts degree at Yale University, Rebecca obtained her PhD in Clinical Psychology at the University of Virginia. She completed her pre-doctoral internship at Bellevue Hospital Center and the New York University Child Study Center, after which she worked in New York City’s Administration for Children’s Services (ACS) and was a Clinical Instructor of Psychology in the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine.

Rebecca’s writing has been published widely, including in The New York Times, and on Parents.Com and TODAY Parents. She has been featured as a guest on several podcasts, as well as on WAMC Public Radio and Good Day Wake Up. She frequently gives talks and workshops, and is known for her engaging, pragmatic, and often humorous style. She currently lives in lower Westchester with her husband and two young sons, who both keep her busier – though also smiling! – more than any of the above.

Find Rebecca online at her website and on Facebook and Instagram.