My guest this week is Dr. Judith Ruskay Rabinor, a psychologist who recently wrote a memoir about making peace with her mother. We talked primarily about the mother-daughter relationship, but these are issues that are relevant for all parents, and for both daughters and sons. Judy has a wealth of knowledge and experience that she shares in this episode, including specific techniques for healing our relationships. And she’s confident that it’s never too late to make peace with our mothers.

Issues we discussed included:

• The lifelong legacy of our relationship with our mother
• Acting like our parents when we become parents
• What drew Judy to the work of mother-daughter relations
• What is a “good enough” parenting relationship? – See this book by D. W. Winnicott (affiliate link)
• How we can move from insight about our relationships to action
• The mystery of how we heal
• Tara Brach’s RAIN technique
• The surprising power of simply allowing ourselves to be with our experience
• Deep breathing as a pathway into and through emotional pain
• How Judy learned to “breathe and slow down”
• “Name it to tame it”
• Working through anger at one’s mother
• The effects of experiences as a child on one’s later parenting
• When a wounded daughter becomes a mother
• “Going overboard” when we try to do differently from what our parents did
• How my guest wound up hosting her mother’s second wedding
• Similarities and differences between the mother-son and mother-daughter relationship
• The uneven distribution of labor even within “modern marriages”
• Devaluing unpaid work in a capitalist society
• The lack of financial security for full-time parents
• What to do if we don’t make peace with our mother before she dies

Judith Ruskay Rabinor, PhD, is a clinician, author, writing coach, speaker, and workshop leader.

In addition to her New York City private psychotherapy practice, she offers remote consultations for writers, clinicians and families.

She has published dozens of articles for both the public and professionals and has authored three books (affiliate links):

• The Girl in the Red Boots: Making Peace with My Mother
• A Starving Madness: Tales of Hunger, Hope and Healing
• Befriending Your Ex After Divorce: Making Life Better for You, Your KIds, and Yes, Your Ex

A sought-after speaker and workshop leader, Judy speaks at national and international mental health conferences and runs workshops at spas, colleges and universities, and retreat centers.

Find Judy online at her website.