My guest this week is Dr. Brie Turns-Coe, an associate professor of marriage and family therapy and author of the excellent new book, Parent the Child You Have, Not the Child You Were (affiliate link).

Topics we discussed included:

• What it means to “parent the child you have”
• Making parenting decisions based on (or in reaction against) how we were raised
• My earlier attitudes toward physical punishment of children, based on my upbringing
• Problems that come with parenting the child we were
• The unmet childhood needs that parents can bring to parenting
• The common core belief among parents that “I’m not good enough.”
• The almost universal belief of, “I’m not a good enough parent.”
• The implicit belief that our kids’ problematic behavior means we’re not a good parent
• Our desperation as parents sometimes to immediately change our kids’ behavior
• How Brie handles parents’ pro-spanking beliefs
• The negative consequences of hitting children, e.g., bullying behavior
• How my guest was feeling about the imminent launch of her book

Brie Turns-Coe, PhD, LMFT, is an associate professor of marriage and family therapy at Arizona Christian University, as well as director of the master’s of marriage and family therapy program.

She has presented at local, state, national, and international conferences regarding parenting.

Brie also co-edited the text Systematically Treating Autism, wrote the children’s book I Will Always Love You, and has published over 30 scholarly articles and book chapters related to family therapy.

She has treated hundreds of parents who were parenting through traumas and were able to achieve healing and strengthen their relationships.

Find Brie online at her website and on Instagram and Facebook.