Ep. 187: Seth Gillihan — 16 Signs You Grew Up with a Lot of Criticism
Growing up with a highly critical parent can have long-lasting effects. In this episode I discuss 16 signs that you were raised with a lot of criticism.
Toward the end of the episode I offer reason to hope, because these tendencies aren’t written in stone. With attention and practice you can learn new patterns. With that in mind, I describe a simple 3-step practice to learn a new way of relating to yourself. This exercise is adapted from my latest book, Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Here is the link to the article, which summarizes the things I talk about in this episode:
Hi Seth, wondering about the connection between this and latest alarming figures on teen mental health (Jon Haidt has an excellent post on this recently). Are teens getting the same kind of treatment from social media that they would from a highly critical parent, resulting in predictable behaviors such as safety-seeking, inability to tolerate criticism, depression etc (as laid out in this excellent episode?) Social media seems to incentivize those kinds of critical parent behaviors (which you explore here) in its users.
That’s a really interesting point, John. I imagine you’re exactly right. It’s so true about the incentivizing of all the wrong stuff on social media. You’ve probably seen it but I had a great discussion with Jon back in 2019: https://sethgillihan.com/ep-67-dr-jonathan-haidt-how-to-correct-the-great-untruths-that-are-harming-young-people/
Wow, I’m blown away by this episode. It’s my first time listening to your podcast. Thanks so much for sharing this wisdom, and with such beautiful clarity. Many, if not all, of the things you say resonate with me deeply. I love that you end on a positive note, expressing the idea that there’s hope for undoing some of our negative conditioning.
Thanks for your comments, Lucy. I’m really glad you found the episode helpful, though I’m sorry that so much of it was familiar to you. I do think there’s a lot of reason to hope.