I recently read—and loved—Kristin Kobes Du Mez’s excellent book, Jesus and John Wayne. Like so many of her readers, I was amazed to read the story of my own upbringing. It was a bit eerie to learn about all the levers that were being pulled behind the scenes to shape my world view as a preacher’s kid (both my parents were Assembly of God ministers), from gender roles to politics to ideas on race.

The trip down memory lane was fun at first, like reliving grade school memories with an old classmate: “No way! Oh right, I’d forgotten about that!” But nostalgia soon gave way to a deep sadness and regret. Kristin’s description of the evangelical perspective helped me to see more clearly than ever how my beliefs, biases, priorities and prejudices were constructed by White evangelical culture.

I had a chaotic deconstruction, which is probably redundant. Demolition isn’t a tidy process. I went through a lot of fear and self-doubt and grief as the walls of my religious beliefs were reduced to rubble. However, many of the attitudes that formed during my upbringing persisted long after I left the Christianity of my youth more than two decades ago.

“I hear from readers every single day who recognize how much of their story is found in the pages of this book,” Kristin told me recently on the Think Act Be podcast. “Some are still in evangelicalism, and some have left, and even some of those who have left are still grappling with how much of their self-identity and values system have been shaped by this culture.”

We will always be shaped to some extent by the time we spend in evangelical circles, especially if we were introduced to the evangelical mindset at a young age. Whether or not you still identify as a Christian or an evangelical, it may be hard to shake some aspects of the religion in which you were indoctrinated.

After reading Kristin’s book, it occurred to me that many of the therapy techniques I offer my clients (and use myself) can be helpful as we navigate the process of rewiring our religious programming. These practices come from mindfulness-centered cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

I simplify this approach to three simple words—Think Act Be—which capture the cognitive, behavioral, and mindfulness parts of the practice.

THINK: Be Transformed by the Renewing of Your Mind

Think strategies help us to work more effectively with our thoughts.

See the Story

We often assume that our thoughts are simply observations about what is true. “Liberals are evil” can feel as real as, “Today is Friday.” Be on the lookout for interpretations you’re making based on your religious training. Start to recognize that these thoughts are stories your mind is telling that may or may not be true. You can also begin to identify alternative ways of thinking that might be more accurate.

Beware of Black-or-White Thinking

Part of what we learn through religious teaching isn’t just specific beliefs but a process of how to think, which is often a very black-or-white approach that leaves no room for ambiguity. For example, I was taught that every verse in the Bible must be literally true, or else the whole book was meaningless. Notice when your mind is engaging in this kind of thought process. Beware especially of applying your old style of thinking to a new set of beliefs, and simply swapping one all-or-nothing ideology for its opposite.

Overcome Emotional Reasoning

Even if you no longer believe certain religious teachings, they might still feel true. For example, it might be hard to shake the gut feeling that fundamentalist Christians are right. That’s because it takes longer for our brains to reprogram the emotional “tags” we give certain ideas than to realize logically that the idea isn’t true. Remind yourself that your feelings aren’t the ultimate judge of truth value. Just noticing and labeling emotional reasoning can start to loosen its grip.

ACT: Where Your Treasure Is, There Your Heart Will Be Also

Act strategies help us to align our actions with our goals.

Talk It Out

Few things are more helpful when you’re struggling through deconstruction than to talk to someone about it, assuming the person is open to your explorations. Find time to have a discussion with the most accepting person you know. Let them know that they don’t have to solve anything for you—they can just be a listening ear and a sounding board. Working through our thoughts with another person often brings much more clarity than just turning ideas over in our minds.

Lead with Action

If you’re struggling to overcome emotional conditioning around certain issues, support a cause that aligns with your new world view. For example, if you’ve realized you want to protect the earth but you still carry misgivings about environmentalists, invest your time in helping to build habitats for an endangered species. Your brain is much more likely to believe your new way of thinking if you reinforce it with action.

BE: Find Rest in the Shadow of the Almighty

Be strategies come from mindfulness practices, and help us to abide in the present and open to our experience.

Make Room for Emotion

Most likely you’ll experience quite a mix of emotions as your religious beliefs evolve. We’ll often try to push away these feelings, maybe because they’re uncomfortable, or because we were taught not to express certain emotions. Practice making room for all of it. Accept anger when it comes; Jesus himself sounded pretty pissed off at times, especially toward the “blind guides” in positions of authority who prevented others from knowing God’s love and grace (see Matthew 23). It may be right to grieve, as well; giving up the world as you understood it is a real loss.

Let Go of Self Judgment

Our minds are great at judging everything as “good” or “bad,” and our judgments of ourselves tend strongly toward the “bad” side. Start to turn off the steady stream of self-criticism by first becoming more aware of it. Maybe you’re self-critical of certain attitudes you hold, or of the ways you hurt people based on your former beliefs (I can relate). Remember that transformation can take time; “be patient with everyone” (1 Thess. 5:14) includes yourself. When you’re tempted to cast the first stone at yourself, remember that none of us is perfect, and choose to lay it down instead.

Sit in Stillness

If you’re having a hard time letting go of views of God as angry and eager to judge, spend time sitting in silent meditation. It doesn’t have to be anything formal; just be present and still. Settle into the moment, feel yourself breathing, and open yourself to whatever you discover. God is always there, as near to you as you are to yourself; nothing dispels false beliefs about the nature of God like resting in the presence of the Most High. Those who do unfailingly find a love beyond human comprehension. As Dominican priest Meister Eckhart wrote, “The God who is I am who I am is also, so simply, just love.”

Deconstruction can feel like death as our old beliefs and prejudices are crucified with Christ. But as Kristin described in our conversation, more abundant life awaits us when we answer the call of deconstruction and find our life by losing it. “I’ve heard from pastors who have lost their jobs” because they no longer toed the evangelical line, “and people who have been alienated from family members and lifelong friends. At the same time, I’ve not yet heard anyone say that they regret anything about the choices they’ve made—and they’re finding new community on the other side.” So rest assured, you are not alone in this process.