I have a different kind of discussion for you this week. My guests are my brother, Timothy Gillihan, and my mom, Carolyn Gillihan. I invited them on to talk about their political differences, which came up recently in the aftermath of the 2020 presidential election.

There’s been so much division and acrimony around politics, even within families. And if we’re going to address the serious problems we’re facing, like the COVID pandemic and our troubled economy, we’re going to have to find a way to come together, and find common ground. Or at least to focus on the policy debates, rather than making our disagreements so personal and attacking each other’s character.

So I want to do what I can to promote civil dialogue, and this conversation is one step in that direction. Thankfully both of my guests did indeed keep things civil, and I think that had a lot to do with the goals they brought. This wasn’t about proving to the other person how they’re wrong, but more about finding understanding, even if we still don’t see eye-to-eye.

And as hard as this is, I think we have to assume that the person we’re talking to is probably about as reasonable as we are—they just have different histories and priorities and beliefs. If we had their background, and believed the things they did, we would almost certainly be on their side. I find that to be a pretty hard thing to believe, but I know it must be true just based on how my own beliefs and political leanings have shifted over the years.

For full disclosure in where I stand, I’m registered as an Independent and I voted for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, which will be apparent from my introductory remarks, though I’m a neutral third party in this discussion. Topics we got into included:

• Prioritizing politics over relationships
• Where my guests’ political beliefs developed, and how they’ve evolved over time
• The religious conversion experience that changed my parents’ life
• Culture war issues that have defined much of the political landscape
• My guests’ reactions to the 2020 presidential election outcome
• The guilt my mom felt about voting for President Trump, and the good she believes he’s done
• Discomfort and disgust with the president’s words at times
• The president’s actions regarding Israel
• Horror at the burning and looting in American cities
• Feeling that Trump was blamed for things that weren’t his fault
• Whether President Trump used language that made divisions worse
• Acknowledging that beliefs may be based on feelings at times
• The problem of doom-scrolling
• What scares my guests about the other’s political views
• Christian evangelicals’ frequent and ardent support of President Trump
• Looking for ways to work together and address common concerns our country is facing
• Concerns about socialism and its potential impact on religious practice
• Fears of an expanding “cancel culture”
• Our assumptions about what drives others’ political beliefs
• What my guests appreciate about each other’s views
• Holding our elected officials accountable

Timothy Gillihan is seven years my junior. He was born in the foothills of eastern Kentucky and grew up in Indiana. Raised in a fundamentalist Christian home, his religious and political viewpoints skewed strongly conservative until the early 2000s.

His political leanings shifted to the left when he was confronted with friends whose lives were being directly affected by the social policies of the conservative movement. What started as a liberal social policy shift continued with fiscal policies, based on his accounting and economic work and studies.

Tim is a forensic accountant in San Francisco, where he lives with his wife, their son, and their dog.

Carolyn Gillihan was born and raised in a small town in Eastern Kentucky. She graduated from the University of Kentucky with a degree in French, and met her future husband, my dad, at UK where he was a law student.

They lived in the Trinity Alps of northern California for four years where they came to know Jesus Christ on Christmas Day 1973.

My mom enjoyed raising 5 amazing sons (thanks, Mom) in California, Kentucky, and Indiana where my dad was pastoring. She now works for a mental health clinic in North Vernon, Indiana, and also offers specialized tutoring in dyslexia in person and by video conference.

She and my dad love to visit with children and their nine grandchildren whenever possible.